HIV is a horrible disease but one thing that I realize, at
least in my opinion, is that spirituality does help with stress and
release. Being stressed with HIV is
never a good thing, it only allows the HIV to hit your body, mind and soul
harder than before.
In my journey living with HIV I converted from Christianity
to Paganism. Paganism is older than
Christianity and I felt very comfortable with my decision. But I also had to understand that in my
family heritage I’m originally supposed to be Jewish. So this is how it going a long time ago one
of my Great Great Great Grandmother on my mother’s side was intimate with a
Jewish man. From the very beginning it
was taboo. At that time there was no way
a black woman and Jewish man could ever be together on a permanent basis, it
was illegal. Her descendants married
Christian men, took on the role of being Christian, and raised their children
that way. That is the story of my family
that I was told. I was also told that
the last name of the Jewish man was Sasportas.
The name Sasportas can be found in a lot of places from the black slave
owners book to leading slave revolts in the Caribbean.
All in all, I should’ve been raised Jewish
but was not. I consider myself
Judeo-Pagan, which means to me that I really should look at Kabbalah and no I
don’t mean the commercialization that many celebrities have done but an
authentic practice of Kabbalah. From the
Kabbalah Center Kabbalah is an ancient wisdom that reveals how the universe and
life work. On a literal level, the word Kabbalah means “to receive.” It's the
study of how to receive fulfillment in our lives. I continue to observe and celebrate Jewish
holidays and customs, and believe me this is not easy because there are so
many. The Hebrew name that I go by is
Yadin and I’ve joined a Jude-Pagan study group and after I complete my
doctorate program I will start Hebrew school.
You may understand this but I believe that being spiritually aware in
one’s own right can bring fulfillment in your life and the lives of
others. The only thing I ask is not to
put one’s religion on anyone else and respect anyone’s decision to pray as they
wish.
Now I feel a bit better because of my new found spirituality. Having the support of my family, friends and
readers really means a lot to me.
Other Jews out there may not accept me because I didn’t go
through certain channels the traditional way, but that is on them if they would
like to take that in.
