Justin's HIV Journal

Friday, December 30, 2011

Justin's HIV Journal: HIV positive & HIV negative Dating Advice


I received an e-mail from someone that is actively dating and I will call him Jay. Jay is HIV negative and is dating a guy name Tom. Tom and Jay have been dating for about 2 months. Things are going great with both of them but in those two months they have not been intimate at all. Tom has been pressuring Jay to have sex, but Jay has stated that he is not ready. The reason Jay is not ready is because he is having trouble with Tom’s HIV status. Jay has also stated that he knows that HIV is preventable with a condom


Listen Jay is you cannot be comfortable with having sex with someone who is HIV positive than don’t, even though I would love for you to be able to be happy with Tom intimately I can’t make you. Don’t do any you’re not comfortable with.

Listen, Tom stop pressuring Jay for sex. You can’t make someone be intimate with you unless they want to. I know that you love Jay, but if you cannot find the kind of love that you need either something has to change or you have to move on.

I also asked Jay how many people he has been intimate with. He told me the number and it was in the hundreds. So I asked, “Did you test them all?” He said, “Of course not!!” Then I asked, “Did you ask all of them what their HIV status was?” He said, “No”. Then I said, “How do you know you haven’t slept with someone who already had HIV?” He became silent.

The fact is people sometimes don’t like knowing the truth and then when confronted with it they get scared. Being upfront with ones HIV status is a brave, personal and intimate thing. If someone does not want you because you are HIV positive then move on, there is hope to find someone that loves you for you. If you cannot date someone with HIV well its simple don’t. Find someone that you can be comfortable with physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and of course sexually.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Justin's HIV Journal: Being Honest Even When You're Scared & Complera Update

I’ve been on Complera for about three months now. It has gotten better for me. I don’t know why my Viral Load shot up and my T-Cells when down a little before I started this new treatment. When you are public about what you have you tend to not be public about when you are scared or when it doesn’t seem like it is going to get any better. I’ve not been told everyone that my VL shot up and my T-Cells went down again. I was scared and all I can say it that I’m only human. I’m human and I do make mistakes. I don’t want to feel like I’ve not been honest nor do I feel like I should be chastised for not telling all, all the time. But I have to be honest.
Right before I started Complera my Viral Load was 1,207. I thought I was undetectable and I wasn’t. My viral load shot up from 0 to 1,207 and my T-cell count was 363. I was shocked and shaken. Then I get e-mails and text from friends saying that there T-Cell counts are in the 1000 and they are undetectable. It is a little discouraging, trust me. But I don’t let it discourage me from doing what I need to do to survive.
Now after about 3 months of being on Complera my Viral Load is now 763 (DOWN FROM 1,207) and my T-cell count is 380 (UP FROM 363). My doctor is keeping a close eye on me and he wants me to do better. I have been stressed out so much that it is really taking a huge toll on my skin. My Rosecea is out of control and I’m a little scared I just wish I had that complexion that I had before HIV but alas that isn’t happening anytime soon. So I’ve decided that it is time for a change and I need to start with the food I put in my body and the start of my exercising more and more.
Ham, Egg & Cheese Sandwich
Oatmeal & 2 Strawberry Yogurts
BLT Sub Sandwich (Sometimes w/o bacon)
Fast Food
Fish, Rice, Veggies (Protien)
Fish Oil (2 Pills)
Vitamin D (2 Pills)
I will have an exercising regime ready when I know what I can do and when I can do it, but I will try to start Yoga again on Saturdays.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Justin's HIV Journal: Maryland Renaissance Festival, Prince for A Day?

Since I was a little boy I remember a certain John Singleton movie called, "Boyz N Tha Hood". In that movie it depicts a young man and a group of his friends who were growing up in the ghettos of LA. Laurence Fishburne played the father of the young man, who had just been moved to LA by his mother, who is played by Angela Bassett. The thing that stuck out in my mind was when Fishburne told the boy that he was the Prince which in turn made Fishburne the King. He also I believe called their house a Kingdom. When it came to chores Fishburne told the boy, "Right now, the king says it's time for the prince to go to bed". I thought a lot about my own Father and how our house was really like that. I got whatever I wanted as long as I took care of the Kingdom and myself.

This got me thinking a lot of us who are HIV positive don't think much about being a Prince for a day for just cherishing life. I decided to go to the Maryland Renaissance Fair as Prince Justinian of Moco (Montgomery County) from the Province of Russett and I loved it. My friends Spike and Lisa got me a crown. I loved it but maybe it did go to my head just a tad. ROFLMAO Okay more often than not. My husband had this look of "OH GOD I hope he doesn't keep it or have it on in the house". Sometimes you just got to treat yourself. I decided to do this because I want people to know that YES you can still be that little Prince of Princess that you wanted to be when you were younger. You can still be whatever you want to be when you were younger.
Don't let HIV steal your dreams or your life. Strive to be the best you can be in whatever you do. Be happy and don't get bogged down. I know it's easy to beat yourself up or to think less of yourself but you have to push on and move on up. The more you think more of yourself the more you will better take care of your kingdom. I know I have bad habits of my own and I accept them and try to change them. It all takes time, but I still strive to be better.
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP and be that little Prince or Princess you've always wanted to be. Or whatever you've wanted to be. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Justin's HIV Journal: HIV positive 13 y/o Honor Student DENIED Education...

A 13 year old teenager was denied entry into the Milton Hershey School of Hershey, PA because he is HIV positive. The spokesperson for the Hershey School, Connie McNamara has said,

"We had to balance his rights and interests with our obligation to provide for the health and safety of other students," she said. "And this meets a direct threat."

I teenager with HIV is NOT a threat to anyone. How dare the Milton School in this day in age do something so damn ignorant? I cannot believe that this is going on today. McNamara knows very well that HIV is not transmitted through everyday behavior, so she says this statement:

"Our kids are no different than teenagers anywhere else," she said. "Despite encouraging abstinence, we can not be 100 percent certain our kids are not engaging in sexual activity."
Honestly is this the reason you are citing. This is pathetic and the educators that are doing this should be educated themselves. READ A BOOK. How dare you deny this young man the education that he so justly deserves? What is the matter with you? You should be denied the right to educators because of these discriminatory acts towards this young man.
McNamara also said this

"We looked at the law and our unique program and made the best decision we could," she said. "Our heart goes out to this young man."

I don't anyone who denies a child an education has a heart and if they do its cold as ice. Unfortunately history has reared its ugly head again. Ryan White has to go through a lot trying to get into public school because he had AIDS. Hopefully this young man will come out on top like White did.

Did you also know today is Ryan White's birthday?