Justin's HIV Journal: Justin Learns To Relax

 So I’ve decided to take my doctor’s orders seriously. When it comes to HIV it is really important that one keeps their stress levels down and unfortunately it has been harder for me than not. I’ve decided to not let anything or anyone stress me out and if that mean cutting people out of my life completely or putting them in another category so be it. I also emphasize to always look after your own health. I’ve decided to go to bed earlier, drink less, and really try to quit smoking.

 I had a situation where I accidentally made a mistake and was persecuted for it. The one person that I thought would believe me didn’t and I got upset but this time it wasn’t a normal upset. Some of the things that he said to me started making me have physical reactions. First I started to breathe irregularly, sweat and my chest started to hurt; I didn’t know it at the time but I was having an anxiety attack. I was with friend’s when this happened but I was clever enough to sequester myself in a room in the house because I didn’t want anyone to see me at this time. After that moment I decided NO MORE STRESS.

So my son and I had a SPA/SHOPPING DAY and that was a great way to distress.

Even more recently there was a situation that happened at home with our son and I stayed calm and didn’t fly off the handle:

My husband and I have a rule for the house that NOBODY is allowed to be in the house without permission or us being present. We both had Maryland Defense Force Drill last night when I get a phone call. It was another Foster Parent named Paula. Paula asked me if had seen her foster daughter Jade. (We noticed that whenever Jade and Londyn hang out together she badly influences him to stay out late when he is suppose to be home, hangs out at our house without her parents’ permission etc.) I said to Paula, "No why?" "Jade said she was going over your house after school and I haven't seen her my husband even went to your house and knocked on the door and nobody answered" Keep in mind school is out at 2pm and it was about 7pm when I got the call. I immediately called my foster son Londyn. Londyn didn't pick up after me calling twice so I tried one more time. His butt picked up the phone before he did. His phone was in his back pocket and he didn't know it had picked up the call. I could hear Jade and Londyn in the background talking. I put it on speaker and l my husband listen to make I was not going paranoid. I then called back a 4th time and Londyn finally picked up the phone. "Hi Dad, how are you?" He sounded out of breathe I asked, "You sound like your outside what going on?" He said, "I was just walking Jade home" I said, “From where?" "The house" He replied. I said, “Okay You know you're not supposed to have anybody over when we are not there and without permission, you could've either called us or texted us to ask if Jade could come over, right?" He said, "Well yeah" "Okay I'm happy that you are ok and that you didn't lie about her being there, BUT you will be disciplined. When we got home the house was a mess. He is home today from school GUESS WHAT TIME TO CLEAN HOUSE, ROOM AND BATHROOM ESPECIALLY. Also the broken light will be coming out of his allowance AND NO X-BOX for a week. He is not allowed to hang out with Jade. So I’ve decided to make a little list. It’s like a Bucket List if you will

1) Skydiving
2) Bungee Jump
3) Become more active in HOPE DC
4) Climb a Mountain
5) Take more trips out of state alone
6) Horseback Riding alone
7) Indoor Wall Climbing
8) Act in an indie film/series or move short.
9) Camping for a weekend alone
10) Go on more spiritual retreats (Non-Christian Based)
11) Monthly SPA treatment
12) Be more serious about Yoga

This is short list and I will add to this after scratching some of them off as I go. I have to learn new ways and tools to calm myself down. I am a bit of a thrill seeker an adrenaline junkie and I now have to exercise that more than ever. It tends to relax me more often than not. It’s what I call a good type of stress.