I received an e-mail from someone that is actively dating and I will call him Jay. Jay is HIV negative and is dating a guy name Tom. Tom and Jay have been dating for about 2 months. Things are going great with both of them but in those two months they have not been intimate at all. Tom has been pressuring Jay to have sex, but Jay has stated that he is not ready. The reason Jay is not ready is because he is having trouble with Tom’s HIV status. Jay has also stated that he knows that HIV is preventable with a condom
Listen Jay is you cannot be comfortable with having sex with someone who is HIV positive than don’t, even though I would love for you to be able to be happy with Tom intimately I can’t make you. Don’t do any you’re not comfortable with.
Listen, Tom stop pressuring Jay for sex. You can’t make someone be intimate with you unless they want to. I know that you love Jay, but if you cannot find the kind of love that you need either something has to change or you have to move on.
I also asked Jay how many people he has been intimate with. He told me the number and it was in the hundreds. So I asked, “Did you test them all?” He said, “Of course not!!” Then I asked, “Did you ask all of them what their HIV status was?” He said, “No”. Then I said, “How do you know you haven’t slept with someone who already had HIV?” He became silent.
The fact is people sometimes don’t like knowing the truth and then when confronted with it they get scared. Being upfront with ones HIV status is a brave, personal and intimate thing. If someone does not want you because you are HIV positive then move on, there is hope to find someone that loves you for you. If you cannot date someone with HIV well its simple don’t. Find someone that you can be comfortable with physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and of course sexually.