When I found out I was HIV positive I felt that I would never be wanted physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. 3 years ago I met a man the way that a lot of you have met men, at a bar. I noticed his smile, his swagger, and his sexiness. I didn’t know what to do with myself, except I knew I had to be honest with him about a part of me that I knew I couldn’t keep secret, my HIV status.
Being HIV positive a lot of us have low self esteem about if we will ever be wanted. I’m here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There WILL BE someone for you, even if you aren’t HIV positive.
I have truly found someone that loves my unconditionally. Through all my trial and tribulations he has been there to help me through the rough waters we call life. Philip asked me to marry him on Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend of 2009. When he asked I didn’t know what to say, so I looked inside my heart and open my mouth and joyously said, “Yes”.
Ever since then we’ve had disagreements like most couples but it never took away from the love that I have and will always have for him. This man has breathed life into me, my heart, my soul and my mind. When I didn’t want to be loved; he opened my heart, when I didn’t want to have a spiritual awakening; he opened my soul and when I didn’t want to go to school; he opened my mind, when I didn’t want to love.
I can honestly say that all I want is for him to be happy and that makes me happy to be with him. Being HIV positive has nothing to do with who you love. It might change how you love but love will always be there and will be there much longer than you and I. Love conquers all, even HIV.
I love you Philip, thank you for doing me the honor of asking me to marry you. For eternity and the life after I am forever yours.
Love Always,
Justin B Smith
AKA
Mr. Silly Butt
P.S. to all those reading this sorry about the noisy background it was very windy at the beach in Provincetown that day
Justin B. Terry-Smith has been involved in LGBTQ and HIV Activism since 1999. He is an Air Force 9/11 Disabled Vet. Raised in Silver Spring, MD, he now lives in Albuequerque, New Meixco with his husband Phil. He writes an HIV/STI Advice Column for A&U Magazine, is a Contributing writer for thebody.com, a Life Coach and an Adjunct Professor. He has earned his Doctorate in Public Health with a concentration in Infectious Disease and his Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.
