Justin's HIV Journal: Who Infected Me With HIV?

When I was infected with HIV I called the person who I believed in infected me, I got him tested and he was positive also; that happened in 2006.  All these years I thought I knew who infected me.  But something came up a couple of months ago.  I got a phone call from a friend who said that we had sex unprotected some year back.  I honestly had no idea, but I knew we had sex before about 3 times.  I do remember all the times we had sex, but I didn’t know that one of those times was unprotected.  I must say he didn’t know he was HIV positive at the time either, but he found out later.  When he had eventually found out, we had already lost contact.  

It is now 2013 and the same handsome man had called me after watching and reading my blog.  He had told what I had mentioned above.  I do believe him and we are still friends.  I can’t blame him because it took two to tango and it was consensual sex.  But now I’m at an impasse, and I don’t know what to do.  

Should I investigate further and find out who infected me?  Or should I move on and live my life without that answer?

I’ve lived my life thus far not knowing, but I gave myself a false knowing of who infected me and now I just don’t know.  Maybe I unconsciously knew that there may have been another sexual encounter I had that may had infected me with HIV.  

Even if I find out who infected me, will that make me any happier?  Will is close a door that wasn’t meant to be opened?  

All I know now is that I took solace in knowing who infected and I lived my life for me and my family.  But will I stop doing what I’m doing and being who I am because of this.  The answer is NO.  I now take solace in not wanting to know who infected me but in my husband, my son, my friends and family.  These are the things that truly matter to me.  These are the things that will always matter to me.

However it would be nice to know…

Justin's HIV Journal: National Coming Out Day

For National Coming Day I've decided to come out as a Black Gay HIV positive man.  Here is the description of the campaign

Here is the site be apart of this campaign:
http://on.fb.me/GTyePX

Also on Twitter tagging @NBGMAC @NMACCommunity and @Stigma_Project
Each year on October 11, we mark National Coming Out Day, an occasion to encourage Black gay, bisexual and Same Gender Loving (SGL) individuals across the country to come out and declare openly who they are and who they love in order to combat the persistent, if diminishing stigma facing this community. Too many men are forced to face the prospect of coming out twice – once about their sexuality and again about their HIV status.  And while we are making significant progress when it comes to homophobia, the stigma around HIV continues to be pervasive and destructive.

For that reason, the National Minority AIDS Council (NMAC) has teamed up with the Stigma Project and the National Black Gay Men’s Advocacy Coalition (NBGMAC) on a new social media campaign called “Come Out Against Stigma,” encouraging the public to take this opportunity to openly proclaim their sexual orientation as well as their HIV status, and spark a dialogue around how each form of stigma perpetuates the other, and impacts our community.

Despite one’s status, HIV is an issue that impacts our entire community.  Those that are negative must struggle their entire lives to remain that way, questioning any mistake and facing the trauma the inevitably accompanies each new HIV test.  Those who are positive not only have to contend with the virus itself, but the social isolation that so often comes with it.  But it doesn’t need to be this way.  Advances in treatment and biomedical research mean that people with HIV who have access to and choose to initiate treatment can live long and healthy lives, while greatly reducing the risk of transmitting the virus to others.  At the same time, negative individuals have more options than ever before to protect their sexual health, including PrEP, PEP and condoms.

“While the decision to live openly about one’s sexual orientation and HIV status is deeply personal and often scary, I am living proof that there is joy, fulfillment and love waiting for those that choose to do so” stated Kali Lindsey, Vice-Chair of the NBGMAC Executive Committee and NMAC Director of Legislative and Public Affairs.  On this National Coming Out Day, I hope you will join us by changing your Facebook and Twitter profile pictures and sharing the campaign with your networks.  Together, we can combat stigma and empower people to live out, live proud, and live HIV neutral.

Justin's HIV Journal: What Does PRIDE mean to you?

During PRIDE in DC I walked around asking people just one question.  What does Pride mean to them?

Justin's HIV Journal: Federal Government Shutdown 2013 Furlough Protest at the Capitol

As of September 5th with no end in sight for the Fed Government shutdown, I go down to the National Capitol to hear exactly what some protestors are saying.  Why are they there?  Who is at fault for the Federal Government Shutdown? GOP? Democrats?